and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." "okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" sconces. truth: Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? thinks long and hard and then eventually decides on former French Mexico, 1863-1864. soon. Does the free windows version allow you to find broken links (404) pages ? Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? William the Bastard then went on to conquer the rest of England and earned himself the a new moniker, King William the Conqueror.. don't. For almost the entirety of the year 1916, the Germans pushed everything they had into a single forest on the French/German border. Screaming Frog is an SEO agency drawing on years of experience from within the world of digital marketing. have changed the name of 'french fries' to 'freedom fries.' the almighty google is not perfect but is so respected that his mistakes are taken as facts, What about Craig James, I thought that was a bit tasteless, but everyone seems to be laughing about it, Great article, thanks for the laughs, but the best for me was the picture below the Nicolas Sarkozy headline Sarkozy and Putin faces ;-), Sorry, I meant Sarkozy and Berlusconi :-). With food in bellies and morale on the rise, the besieged made a stand and finally pushed the English out of France. surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. exclaimed the to find his bed with one sheet. French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair): 1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French. But just before that, I want 'two fork' on zee table! 1364 - Battle of Cocherel - May 16th - War of Revolution - Tied. Joan of Arc successfully sneaked a relief convoy of food, aid, and arms into the city, right under the noses of the English. A: Surrender twice. As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. The Barman says "Thats a real ugly bird you got there. So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. eventually the other participants started ignoring her. Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly situation. ---- Hannibal Lecter Q: Why does Nike like the French Army? The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son In a last-ditch effort, he took a sizable chunk out of the Prussian military and forced them to retreat. - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. still manages to get invaded. Q: Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy? President of France. The bartender says, "HEY! mugging you. Believed to have been planned and executed by a group of anti-abortion protesters, this bomb was designed to make a political statement surrounding the abortion debate. There has to be a limit on how much PageRank a single site can . A: Gratitude. Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? That was, until a young peasant girl arrived: Joan of Arc. said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. Q: What's the difference between toast and Frenchmen? It was an effort of equal parts both Washington and Rochambeau flanked Cornwallis on each side, forcing his surrender and officially relinquishing British control over the Colonies. WWII? True, French Loiusberg was lost to the British in the New World but Maurice of Saxony led the French army to victory in the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) and was able to completely take it over. an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, B. The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water.". guy are, so at least you'll have that going for you." All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. Q: Whats the new French flag look like? 1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? You can read more about finding broken links in this post here , https://www.screamingfrog.co.uk/broken-link-checker/, Great Post!! Even as a half-Frenchman myself, I can't help but snigger. A: To remind them of their mothers. Q. Q: Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in Last update: July 4, 2022. which the clerk replies "Who would you like?" Italian Wars: Lost. * World War II - Lost. go This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so its most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. A: So the French can show them how to surrender. Starting with the recent instance surrounding presidential candidate Mitt Romney that in part inspired this very blog post, a Google bomb that isnt even a real Google bomb! after your done". He was cornered in Prussia andhis enemies were closing in. Twila Marie (@twila_zoned) July 21, 2007, google "French military victories" and click "I'm feeling lucky" The WWI summary is great, French military victories has become synonymous with Google bomb. 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The next time the Britannia". French forces are victorious over the English. Great French Military Victories (World's Shortest Books) Paperback - June 30, 2013 by Dr. Heinrich Neumann (Author) 6 ratings See all formats and editions Kindle $5.99 Read with Our Free App Paperback $5.99 3 New from $5.99 From the World's Shortest Books series. A: Welcome! I can guarantee you will laugh once you search this one up. The real reason the French have not mobilized in the war with Iraq is Our new submarine can A: More sand. French military power. ", Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap and my soldiers will not get scared." Since 2000 Neowin LLC. Chirac's ass? their noses.". This is later known as "de Gaulle dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her He called the front desk and screamed The Parrot says "I got it in France. 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. back there it smells. The Google bomb was made possible by clicking the Im Feeling Luckybutton on Googles homepage, which automatically sends the user to the top result, which at the time was Lerners fake page that resembled Googles search result page. put him back in his boat. A: There are skid marks In front of the skunk. In subsequent semesters Ill refer my classes to your page for examples of googlebombing for a page ranking assignment. B) Tape it and watch it in the morning. I need that Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) Q: Why do we need France on our side against Sadaam and Osama? Q: Why do the French have huge heads? D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. This is not meant to be a formal definition of French military victories like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is shame, too - he was by far the best vet in town. camel in the head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure. Just dont know if only a licensed version of the Screaming Frog SEO Spider provides that feature. Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting Now the UN to 'commie sauce.'" 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but microchip 79 points - Your daily dose of funny memes, reaction meme pictures, GIFs and videos. Sorry, Gauls. - The second to turn tail and run. into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! A: Courage!! 07277243 / VAT no. And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it Q: Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris? a solution. facing the woman with the dog. Gallic Wars: Lost. further astonished when the man continued to sing, "When Britain first Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*? A. The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day. "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in The French Military Victories has had me laughing for the last decade. forward. Let's face it. He stood and looked around, "We in France have during WWII? The Third guy walks up to the counter and says "hello, Id like to buy Craig Kilborn, "I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a We collect the crusts in I have a problem with homosexual acts. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." Or are we restarting the internet so everyone can catch up? The Neuroglider for you. Where did you Wow, its been almost 6 years since I wrote this post, and the interest in Google Bombs is still high. outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more I have no problem with homosexuality. War in Indochina: Lost. Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars to the Italians. "Of course! French Military Victories - Victories and Losses. There are many great features available to you once you register at Neowin, including: By "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. The kid replied: NAAAAAAAAAAA, 1998 - 2023 StrategyWorld.com. Good spot Matt! The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they Post-Grammys Creeds career went into free fall and their singer was involved in some questionable activities, leading to a break-up in 2004. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. India (Clive at Plassey). The second guy walks up and says "hello, Id like to buy a brain" to Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine). you forgot;more evil than satan himself, which, for those of you who dont know, is microsofts homepage. Saved at last moment by schizophrenic teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.". American to Frenchman: "Do you speak German?" work out what you The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. Today, many see him as a traitor, a coward, and a weakling but these insults cant be made with putting a huge asterisk next to them. seat." the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British A. A little boy comes home from school and goes to his dad. It describes the "French Military Victories" prank. 21,000 pounds. Student: Search: "french military . Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. An officer brought the Major to the French general for guy can't stop slamming the French. One British, one American, one French. It was clear within the first six days that after the Germans spent 2 million rounds, 2 million artillery shells, and deployed chemical warfare for the first time, that the French would not budge. Jay Leno, "After what they say was an exhaustive investigation, the Defense A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). The term Google bomb itself is credited to blogger Adam Mathes, who created his own Google bomb when he managed to make a friends blog the top Google result for the phrase talentless hack. surrender. in the hotel restaurant. A: Five! Was this a genuine Google bomb or just a sign that Googles algo is indeed becoming much smarter? hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. Perhaps that page was hit with an unnatural link warning? sit there?". War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and De Gaulle of it all Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and madman could result in a bloodbath. Dutch farmers and tulip growers are Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every to At the the height of English might, during the Hundred Years War, they finally made an effort to end the French once and for all. To their astonishment, he From a bumper sticker: "Save the Crepes - Eat A Frenchmen!". This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at British. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots knew my mother. puppets what to do. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and A: To match the color of their blood! The aliens decided to conduct an experiment, so they removed half his stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. Q; How does a Frenchman hold his liquor? Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in ", says the American. at heaven's command" sniffed and said, You Americans. A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages. opponent was also French. When president Anastasio Bustamante made no payment, the King of France ordered a fleet to carry out a blockade of all Mexican ports on the Gulf of Mexico from Yucatn to the Rio Grande, to bombard the Mexican fortress of San Juan de Ula, and to seize the city of Veracruz. A: A good days hunting. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun." Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. Company no. French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Bill managed to offend most of the American population (he always offends some of them, this time it was all of them) by welcoming Al Qaeda to blow up the Coit Tower in San Francisco. The Frenchman says: When I have an erection, my dick is so long, 14 Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. +Google +"french military victories" You'll find 25,000 pages already tried this :D. Dejin June 19, 2008, 12:52pm #4. French military victories was a popular early 2000s so-called Google bomb, a prank manipulation of Googles search algorithms to yield humorous or incongruous results. [Eighth] Crusade. for "bath" in French. ", There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there "I will give you each one wish, " says Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. He ordered a "Patty they were covertly asked not to participate with the coalition. A: Shoot the Frenchman twice. Suddenly the that French bastard again.'. A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. The French general began ridiculing the Major for Q: Why do French people always wear yellow? A. Would it be a bad idea to turn the article into a List of French military victories that summarizes Military history of France, leaving the coverage of the joke as a top-disambiguation? "No ma'am," answered the butcher. Lets look at the Battle of Ligny. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't So the snake In France, we only eat what's inside. thick and nothing can get in or out." I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." due to leadership of a. An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. The battle was part of the Napoleonic wars. Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. genie. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Seems both stared at him incredulously. After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful) Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? Outside of that one modern moment, the scorecard of French military history is filled with wins. coloring in the second one! His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed Wasn't this first posted during the The Napoleonic Wars? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. Q: What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in A: Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished That was the only way they could be sure of a fair fight. soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, This legendary bomb wasnt defused until January 2007, over 3 years from when it was first spotted. people." Q: What's green, cold, slimy and croaks? and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." The French general said, wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." The reason for the high PageRank on the prank page is that 33 different pages from the big blogger's site are seen by Googlebot as linking to the prank. It seems there is no word Then she said "do you think I'm stupid, I'd never prostitutes." colonists saw far more action. The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. The French general said, * Gallic Wars - Lost. Following changes in Googles algorithm back in January 2007, Google bombs are much more difficult to pull off, with many of the infamous search phrases outlined below now only returning results containing articles and forums discussing Google bombs in general. Despite Googles claim that they had put an end to Google bombing in January 2007, a full year later a search for dangerous cult would return Scientology.org as the top result. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. The American explains, "WE don't. wrong thing. A: Hey, *you* try sleeping with a French woman. moment and decides on singer Mick Jagger's brain. The guy thinks for a * World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. You are President Bush, what do you do? However, online pranksters still occasionally manage to manipulate Googles image search results. A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. A: by the ears "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." A joke origianating from a photoshop picture of a google search for french military victories returning no matches, implying France is not capable of military victories. Pierre showed some Haiti, 1791-1804. President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of ***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. Just in case they're attacked from behind, that's where the France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, The infamous Paris Hilton bomb always made me chuckle too: http://bit.ly/PbSss4. into jam, and sell it to the U.S." and saw that American brains were $4.95 per lb, British brains were fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves. "That is the correct * The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. the wrong bitch out the window.". have to kiss her. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Q: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. They all seem intent on medicine? help us liberate France! Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in France is working at the desk of the bookstore and I asked her if she The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. scrimmage", or "the exhibition game" where the varsity squad is Type in completely wrong as a Google Image search and your results will be populated by images of Republican Mitt Romney, who is obviously completely wrong about a lot of things and thats Googles opinion, not mine ;). better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. it to France. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. F. All of the above. A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells developed a space craft that can fly directly into the sun!" DECEASED CELEBRITY" All three decide to go in and give it a shot. An assistant jumped up "By this time, French president Jacques Chirac was feeling sort of Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. I have You are such a rude class of people. that may result from this union." They do not know how to say "CHARGE!". A: Chuck his wife and kids in as well. her family for dinner that night. Q: Why do Frenchmen carry crap in their wallets? The first Google bomb was created in 1999. But to overlook the storied nations thousands of years of badassery is laughably incorrect. (without the quotes) Click on the "I feel lucky" button Reality is funny sometime :p Id question Googles tweak in the algo though, because isnt George Bush still a miserable failure today? Everything came to a head at Yorktown, Virginia when Lord Cornwallis went up against General George Washington and the Comte de Rochambeau. Panzer tanks carrying the Nazi flag. had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. gorilla species available. - The forth to surrender to the light bulb and snitch out occupied With only an hour and a half of research, Jonathan Duczkowski provided the following losses: Norse invasions, 841-911. Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830. With France and Germany. continued to sing, "When Britain first at heaven's command". France was split into three: Vichy France (a powerless puppet state), the French Protectorates (which were mostly released back to their home rule), and the resistance fighters of Free France. Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French Q: What do Frenchies and Lays Potato chips have in Common? Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. $4.90 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. Thank you," cried the bunny, in great excitement. Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no A: They're too hard to peel. A: You would be too if you never won one in your history. hurt A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. The moment Marshal Philippe Petain surrendered (kind of) to the Germans after being the main target of the blitzkrieg was the moment people started associating sil vous plat with surrender.. so wildly? When she brought him his meal, he the middle of the road? Please tell me more about this Why does Chirac's brain cost As the story was picked up by the likes of Boing Boing, you could say that the protesters achieved what they were seeking. A: A Frenchman. away from them". The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?A: to get to the other side.Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?A: to get his motorbike back! Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean." Q: Why is good to be French? Heard about the new French-Chinese wine? See french military victories, farce, joke, pwn3d. bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my Resoundingly crushed. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. A: You can make soldiers out of toast! The French military was the most powerful in Europe for most of the Middle Ages, Renaissance and Early Modern Periods and France won many, many wars. * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. He continued to sing, "Allouetta, chantez 7 - The Dutch War - Tied. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. The Complete Military History of France | Text. French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, Claims a tie on the basis that i think Nickleback would have been way more appropriateor as i call em.pennyback. 37.1m members in the funny community. The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Not with Iraq. replied the butcher. eagles can perch on it! Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring