What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Go to the golf course. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. I had a hole in nothing. Spread your legs a little more. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Which is the easiest golf stroke? The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Your email address will not be published. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. P.G. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. the flag cant jump. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. And it matters how we go about attaining them. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines [Funny, Dirty, Cheesy] Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? So what are you waiting for? 86+ Funny Golf Quotes | Free HD Images & Pictures Download Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Why dont skeletons play golf? It was glorious when you did! The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Boo who? Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. Thats incredible. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Lift your head and spread your legs. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. PG Wodehouse. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. The Dalai Lama himself. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. He said. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. I give him the driver. A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Oh my God, what have I just said?". 65 Best Golf Quotes for Inspiration and Motivation My three keys to success: One, work hard. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. This post may contain affiliate links. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. The other 20. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Boo. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. ~ Victor Hugo. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Drops him off at the golf course! It can be rewarding. Man: Please dont go. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Sam Snead. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Funny Family Poems. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Here, have a carrot! But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. And now it will be poisoned for you. First and foremost, you must have confidence. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. How many strokes was that? Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. How do you know you should be a golfer? Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. The 32 Dirty Quotes of all Time - quotesforbros.com 18 Funny Golf Quotes to Keep You Laughing on - 18Birdies Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. -Lee Trevino Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation The smile looks really good on you. 4. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Your email address will not be published. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Required fields are marked *. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. 6. 19. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." 2. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. 7. Fore-get Me Nots. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. On a golf course, nature is neutered. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! He said. 10 Funniest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. What did the duck say to the golf ball? She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. I stepped on a rake. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Find the ball. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. when we were married," said the pouting wife. happen again! Tahiti who? "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. He was puttering around. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. We have a threesome, care to join us? When your golf cart capsizes. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. 3. Dirt your body. The end. 80+ Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings - CoolNSmart Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. In case he gets a hole in one. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. 13 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. QuotesGram If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. I like big putts and I cannot lie. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will P.G. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. 1. Wodehouse All of them. On the Green In Two. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. How the heck did that happen? I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. 2. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? 150 Hilarious Golf Jokes And Puns 'Fore' Everyone Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Im the best. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? I give the ball some sweet talk. Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Clubbing. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Golf is more complicated than that. The means are as important as the ends. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? 8. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Why are computers such naturally good golfers? putt." - Mickey Mantle. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. There are no absolutes in golf. He was perfecting his swing. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Hi there! Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? 6. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. There is no such thing as a natural touch. Dean Martin, He loved the game. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Have fun. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. 5. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Golf is very much like a love affair. Golf is like doing your taxes. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Enjoy! "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? 5. Jack Benny. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Nay! How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? He couldnt stop puttzing around! Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. Lee Trevino, 59. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. I'm Tiger Woods. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? You shot an eight. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Does a bear crap in the woods? Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. 3. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Get in the hole! It can be difficult. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. Or under. Golfing? Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? Bye Bye Birdie. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. I was off to-day! That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. See you in the Email! A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. I'm pretty good with my short putts. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. 4. So, I'm on the first tee with him. Do you share these funny golf jokes? If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. 69 Best Dirty Quotes For Him | Her | Kinky | Funny | Sayings - TryTutorial